“Vvvvvvrrrrrrrppppp”, your phone vibrates on the table, moving ever so closer to the edge, and you hurriedly grab for it before it takes a fateful fall. Turning the phone over in your hand, you see what the notification was for- you’ve received a text!
This text is not an ordinary text; this is no “Hey what’s up?” text, or a “New number, who dis?” text. This text, my friend, isn’t actually a “text” in the traditional sense- it’s a hot, dirty, messy, sext!
You’re an expert texter; you can curve hoes (or thirsty fuckboys) left and right, you can text mom when you’re blackout drunk without her knowing, but for you, this is somewhat uncharted territory. Sexting is not your strong suit, but at least you’re in the right place; here we are going to go over the seven do’s and don’ts of sexting to ensure you get it done right every time.
Do: Be Chill About It
Don’t: Force It
To get this list started, let’s begin with the first step- who initiates sexting and how? Well, either partner can initiate sexting, but you need to do it a certain way; you can’t just force it.
By “force it”, I mean when you or your partner just get right into sexting without anything to set it off; you can’t just randomly text them out of the blue and be like, “Hey boo send a nude cuz I’m horny”. That might work with some people, but for the most part that won’t fly.
The best way to move into sexting is to start somewhere else; if you’re texting your girl or guy, start flirting a little to get the juices going. Once things heat up, ask your partner if they want to sext.
Just like if you were gonna get laid, it was going to happen over a natural course of events; forcing it won’t get you laid by anyone that isn’t a hooker living in an abandoned vehicle. These same rules apply to sexting; if it was gonna happen, it was gonna happen.
Do: Keep It Secret
Don’t: Group Sext
This is obvious to most of us, but some people out there are seriously lacking in tact and common sense and don’t know any better; sexting is meant to be kept private and between just the parties involved.
I don’t care if you’re in an open relationship and you want to sext with your partners in a group text- group sexting is just too messy and complicated to ever successfully complete with all parties being satisfied with the experience; I mean, how would that ever work?
“No… no honey, that was meant for the dirty prostitute… I wouldn’t call you a filthy tramp unless you deserved it.”
Do: Engage If You’re Comfortable With Them
Don’t: Engage If You’re Not Comfortable With Them
Let’s say you like this person you met at a party or have a class with, and exchange numbers. You hang out once or twice, and then all of a sudden you get a text from them, asking you to sext.
You like them, but aren’t sure if you want to go that far with them before getting to know them more, and you don’t want to make them lose interest in you by saying no; what do you do? You’re not obligated in any way to sext with them, so just be honest and tell them you’re not comfortable doing that just yet.
Do: Wait To Send That Dick Pic
Don’t: Send That Dick Pic
Girls know that us guys will always be willing to see a pic of them, which is why girls can just send us sexy snaps or nudes at any time- we’ll accept pics at all hours of the day. Girls, on the other hand, don’t really care about a pic of your dick.
No bro, she doesn’t want to see it unless she actually asks for it, which probably won’t happen at any time; dicks just aren’t pretty enough to be photographed all the time and sent to unwilling recipients.
Do: Respond Promptly
Don’t: Take Your Precious Time
Some people are really bad at texting, and some people just really don’t want to talk to you. You shouldn’t sext with either one of these people (if they even remember to or want to, that is).
Sexting locals, unlike regular texting, must be done quickly; you and your partner should have about the same response time to help keep the mood right and so you’re both on the same page, which is easier said than done when it comes to sexting. You shouldn’t have to wait more than a few moments between texts; if you sext someone and they take their damn time responding, screw them (not literally, anyway).
Do: Sex Before Sext
Don’t: Sext Before Sex
Sex requires a connection, some kind of chemistry between the people involved. If someone wants to sext with you but you’ve never slept together, don’t go for it- you probably won’t enjoy it at all.
How can you develop physical chemistry without being physical? You can’t, since you’re missing the whole ‘physical’ part.
It’s generally a good idea that you log hundreds of hours, if not thousands of hours, in a flight simulator before flying some badass military jet, but the same rule doesn’t apply to sexting before sex. It’s like trying to drive from your hometown to some city across the country; unless you’ve done it before, you’re gonna need a map or some idea of where you’re going so you don’t get lost.
Do: Snapchat Sext
Don’t: Text or Email Sext
After all of the leaked affairs and scandals we’ve seen over the past few years, people really need to start practicing safe sexting procedures. I’m tired of hearing about some random Senator sleeping with his aid or some other hoe; everyone needs to start sexting via Snapchat.
Think about it this way; you’re at work, and get a text from your wife, and happen to glance at the sexts you sent to each other the previous night. Everything would be fine, only once your eyes locked in on the sexts, your boss asked you to show everyone the earnings from last year, and you didn’t hear him, drooling on your phone and staring at a picture your wife sent you.
Oops, you got fired. If you’d used Snapchat, the sexts would’ve all disappeared the night before and you never would’ve been distracted by the sexts on your phone.
You see, kids, Snapchat can help you keep your job!
Snapchat sexting is not just a job saver, but it’ll help you appreciate sexting more than before; since every snap you send goes away forever after it’s been viewed, both parties will be more involved and feel more in the moment, making it a better experience for both of you. Sounds like a win-win to me.
There’s more that can go wrong than can go right with sexting, and for a variety of reasons; the biggest barrier is that you’re not physically together, but that shouldn’t stop you from having a good time. If you follow the tips listed above, you and your partner will have an experience worth repeating.